


My Heart In Your Hands

by Lexyscissorhands



Category: MIW, Motionless in White (Band)
Genre: F/M, First Relationship, First Time, Pretend the character is Ryan's sister, Ricky is so cute in here, Rough past, SO MUCH FLUFF, Self Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-29
Updated: 2017-08-16
Packaged: 2018-09-13 07:36:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9113041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lexyscissorhands/pseuds/Lexyscissorhands
Summary: It's a Horror Love Story





	1. Chapter 1

There's darkness,Sudden I see myself looking at myself in the mirror  
The more I look at myself in the mirror the more I start to become ugly,This is how I see myself  
As ugly and worthless

I touch the mirror and it breaks,cutting my arms and legs along the way  
That's when I realized what this is about,It's about my past,How I ruined my body with self harming  
I did this,I did this to myself

"McKenna"  
I hear my name being called by a still small yet familiar voice  
"McKenna" the voice got a little louder  
"McKenna!" Everything starts to slowing fade away,and then I open my eyes to see my brother looking down at me while he had his hands on my shoulders shaking me  
"What Ryan?" My voice came out harsher than I meant for it to,He frowned  
"No need for the attitude Kenna" he let go of my shoulders and sat down on my bed

"I was waking you up because we need to start packing,We leave today" Right when those words left his mouth,I jumped out my bed and pulled out my suitcases and a backpack out of my closet  
"Way ahead of you,I packed yesterday" I smirked as he rolled his eyes  
"You were always an overachiever young one"  
He patted my head as I laughed  
"You love me though" he smiled when I said and pulled me into a hug  
"Yes I do,you're my little sister"  
I smiled as I hugged him back,after a couple of seconds we let go and he left to start packing,It was 7:45,We are going to leave around 9 so I might as well get ready for the day

I was pacing back and forth in the living room,waiting for the rest of the band  
Each time we go touring I always get anxious but excited,it's always like that once we start after a long time of not touring but after the first show I'm back into the routine and it becomes such a great time,I get to see my boys,my brother,We get to travel all over the world and they get to do what they love and I'm lucky enough to see it happening

A lot of bands that meet me get surprised that I'm Ryan's sister because normally siblings don't get along as well as him and I do but he's the only family I have  
Our parents died when I was 16 and he was 18  
I'm 22 right now and he's 25 and we are all we have and our parents dying brought as closer because back then we would always argue and would never want to be together and now we don't want to be apart

A lot of bands also get surprised that I'm the one that sets up and I'm also their Merch girl  
I've been doing that ever since he joined the band because they needed someone  
It's crazy how sometimes life has different plans for you,I was planning on graduating and going to college for nursing but instead I graduated and became a Merch girl touring with one of my favorite bands along with my brother and I love every second of it

Since I've been on the road touring since I was 17,I've never had a boyfriend  
I've never been one to be wanted by someone  
In school I was known as "The Basket Case" and yes that's from The Breakfast Club,it's a good movie.  
And I've never been one to have crushes on people or to believe in soulmates,that is until I met Ricky and ever since I believe  
I've never been so attracted to someone as much as I'm attracted to Ricky  
I always get lost in his ocean blue eyes,I love how he gets lines around his mouth when he smiles  
Whenever he's in his room playing his guitar,I'll be in bed listening to him getting lost in the music

I forgot to mention that we all live together,His room is right across from mine and it's bittersweet to live with your crush  
It sucks because you just want to be with them and you're always tempted to go into their room when they're sleeping and cuddle with them  
But it's amazing because I know that his door is always open for me if I ever need anyone  
Ricky is the one who knows more about me besides Ryan  
He's the one that helped me stop self-harming and stop smoking  
He calms me down when I start having an anxiety attack and he knows what to say and tells me what I need to hear,Not what I want to hear and for that I'm forever grateful for him  
I honestly don't think I would be alive today if it wasn't for him because he was the one that found me when I attempted to commit suicide and held me as I cried my tears and spilled my whole heart and soul telling him how I felt

"Kenna!" I heard an angel like voice,I turn around to see Ricky looking at me and he smiled when our eyes met,I felt myself get red  
"It's time to go everyone is waiting" oh shit  
I got so lost in my thoughts that I didn't notice them coming down  
"Here let me help you with your bags" he grabbed the biggest one  
"You don't have to Ricky" he looked at me and then smiled again  
"But I want to,be sure to lock the door"  
I nodded as I smiled back at him and I watched him as he left the house  
I looked around the house for the last time in a couple of months  
Time for another tour of longing for a love that I know I can't have


	2. Chapter 2

"Okay so Kenna since you're the shortest one you get the bottom bunk underneath Ricky" Chris said while trying to hold back his laughter "Hey I may be shorter compared to all of you but I'm taller than the average girl" I pretended to be annoyed but I smiled after saying that "Being 5'5 isn't that tall Kenna" Ricky said under his breath but it was loud enough for me to hear and I playfully punched his arm

Once we were all settled into the new bus we got we were on our way I made my way into the living area and it just amazed me to think how far we have come We used to drive just a van and a trailer and now we have an actual bus with more room I sat down with my cup of coffee and began to drink it while I was looking through instagram on my phone and I saw a picture that made me spit my coffee It was a picture of Ricky's girlfriend kissing another guy "Are you okay?" Speak of the devil I bit my lip while I just sat there thinking if I should tell him or not What if he already knows? "I uh,I just saw something on instagram and it kinda shocked me" I was in a way trying to imply what I meant without actually telling him His smile fell when he saw my phone screen "Oh yeah that,we uh we broke up like a month ago" what? It's been only a month and she's already with a guy? But what saddens me more is that Ricky didn't tell me "Why didn't you tell me Ricky?" I wasn't angry,I was more hurt than anything because we tell eachother everything...well  _almost_ ~~~~everything

He sighed as he sat down next to me and I turned my body towards him showing him that he has my full attention "McKenna please don't think that I'm trying to hide anything from you or that I don't trust you,it's just that I'm more quiet when it comes to those things" I nodded,I guess I could understand what he meant by that,Like I've said before I've never had a boyfriend so I wouldn't know how it would feel to break up with someone

"You seem tense" my voice came out  quietly when I said those words and he looked at me for a couple of seconds before laying down and putting his head on my lap,it was normal for him to do that to me so I put my mug down and I started to play with his hair and I felt him relax under me which caused me to smile I feel really lucky that he trusts me and lets me baby him every once in a while 

"I've never admitted this,Not even to myself but..." His words started to drift off as he was looking out the window seeing all the trees we were passing by and the clear blue sky was reminding us that everyday is a new one "I'm actually kinda glad we broke up" I stopped playing with his hair which caused him to look at me with a raised eyebrow questioning why did I stop,it just surprised me to hear him say that because they have been together for so long and they looked happy 

"I'm happy because that relationship wasn't what I needed,Yes I cared for her and loved her and she treated me better than any other girlfriend I've had but I just felt like she wasn't the one I'm supposed to be with,Maybe the girl I'm supposed to be with is right in front of me" I got lost in those beautiful cerulean eyes and I felt myself blush and I put my hands in my face to try to cover myself 

He started to chuckled and he pulled my arms away,exposing the redness of my face"Don't hide yourself,you look so cute when you blush" he stated as he put my hair behind my ear and touched my face"I've always liked you Ricky" I expressed,which caused his face to light up "Really? Asexual McKenna likes me" I nodded,my face was still in this stupid red grin and he was just smiling up at me while touching my face

For most of my life I've always felt like I was Asexual because I've never liked being kissed,I never liked the idea of having sex with someone,as soon as someone started to like me I would run away from them,not literally but I would just ignore them because I couldn't give them what they wanted,I've never felt this way towards anyone else

"I don't know if I should call myself Asexual anymore because I like you and I want to do things with you,I want to hold your hand,I want to kiss you,I want-" I hid my face one more time and then I said "Iwantyoutobemyfirsttime" very quickly.I expected him to make a joke out of it or to be uncomfortable but instead he sat up and kissed my cheek causing me to blush even more,As if I couldn't get any redder 

"I want to be all those things for you Kenna" I looked into this eyes trying to see if this was all some cruel joke but I could see that he was being sincere "I just broke up with my girlfriend though and I think we should spend a month or two getting to know eachother like that before it's official" "I agree with you " I quickly added because even though I do like Ricky I wouldn't have dated him right away because it wouldn't be the right thing to do and it's always good to get to know someone on a deeper level when you are thinking about dating

"But that doesn't mean we can't do cute stuff" He smirked before kissing my face again and then there was a flash,We both quickly looked to see everyone with their phones out,Their smiles were so big

"Fucking finally,It took you guys long enough" Balz stated as everyone including us laughed "I mean we aren't official yet but we are getting there" I said trying to hold back the huge smile that wanted to come out,There are really no words to describe how happy and complete I feel right now,Ever since our parents died I've felt like there was a piece of my heart missing but now...Now it feels whole again and it's all thanks to Ricky

I want to hold his hand,I was hesitant for a bit but I eventually got the courage to intertwine our fingers together and he looked at me before kissing my face again,Man if this is what it's like to have someone care for you and to like you then I have truly missed out,I love it

After what felt like 10,000 years (I'm  exaggerating) we finally stopped at our first venue,Looking at the time it was five hours before show time with meant it was time for me to set up the Merch table.Ricky had fallen asleep on my shoulder while I was just watching movies and I didn't want to wake him up so I got his head and I laid him down on the couch and I left but not before I kissed his cheek causing him to smile in his sleep 

"Is everything set up here?" Josh asked me while I was writing down how many shirts we had for each size "For the most part yes,I'm almost done,I'm just making sure we have enough,if not we will have to order more T-Shirts" I said as I looked up from my notebook that is specifically for this "Instead of waiting until we almost run out just order more" Josh said and I nodded "Where should we said that it should be ordered at?" "How long does it take for it to be delivered?" "About a week" He thought for a bit meanwhile I started to get anxious,I always get anxious about the merch and if they don't come in time or if they get shipped to the wrong place because that's a lot of money wasted and I don't want to risk losing my job that I actually enjoy doing

"We are going to be in Alaska for a week,so send them there" I nodded and began to call to order them After I hung up the phone I finished counting,He was right about ordering for next week because this will only last for a week or two,Depending how much we sell,I know I always mention how much I love my job but it's also very stressful 

"Does someone need a massage?" I looked up to see Ricky looking down at me "No it's okay Ricky" I assured him but he didn't buy it so he began to massage my shoulders "Damn you're so tense" "It's always the first day,after that I don't stress out as much" "I understand,it's the same way for me,I'm always nervous when we do our first concert of a tour because it's been a while since we have played but after that I don't get nervous anymore" "You would think years after doing the same thing we would get used to it but we don't" "Well even though it's the same thing it's always a new experience and we learn new things as well" "You make a pretty good point there Olson" "Oh now we are using last names Sitkowski" we started to laugh "Shut up" I said and he kept laughing as he put his arms around me trying to hug me while I was still sitting down and I hugged his arms and he rested his chin on my head 

"Koi No Yokan"I blurt out "What?" Ricky asked 

"It's the feeling you get when you met someone and you know that you're going to fall in love with them,I felt that when I first met you,I never knew what to call it but one day I got curious about what the album from Deftones meant,They have an album called "Koi No Yokan" so I searched it up and when I read the meaning it just hit me that,That's how I felt towards you" "Well I honestly felt the same way,When I first saw you I knew that I was going to want to you and that you were probably the soulmate I've been looking for" 

"Soulmate" I smiled,I feel so warm inside and I just want to cry tears of joy right now "I like that" I added 


	3. Chapter 3

"Guys I'm gonna go lay down for a bit,I'm starting to get a migraine" I told the guys once we were done putting everything way and once Ryan started to drive (We take turns on driving the bus) They nodded and I went into my bunk and just dozed off 

While I was sleeping I felt someone touch my arm and I woke up to see Ricky looking at me and he had a water bottle in one hand and a pill in the other 

"I got migraine pills if you want some?" I nodded and he gave me the pill and the water bottle and I drank the pill "Thank you" I smiled at him and he smiled back 

"No problem,I get them sometimes so I know that they suck" "They really do,I think it was the stress from today but I'm sure tomorrow will be fine" I assured him and he just nodded 

"Well I'm gonna get ready for bed so I'll be right back" I told him while I was getting a plain white shirt with black joggers "Okay sounds good,See you when you're done" He kissed my forehead and left while closing the door 

Have I mentioned that I feel lucky to have him? I know we just shared our feelings this morning but it doesn't feel like we are rushing,If anything it feels like we were are trying to catch up on wasted time when we could have been together 

I sighed and started to undress and after putting on my sleepwear I took off my makeup,Brushed my teeth and washed my face

After that I went out to see Chris and Vinny playing the Xbox

Balz and Ghost on their laptops and Ricky was just watching Chris and Vinny play

I walked towards the couch and sat next to Ricky,pulling my legs up on the couch so I could sit crisscross 

Ricky turned to look at me and his face soften and he looked at my lips and up at my eyes again "Hey" his lips turned into a smile and I smiled back at him 

"Hey" I said back at him,Gosh I feel like this how a couple in middle school would act,Why the hell are we acting like this? 

"So I was thinking,Since our stop tomorrow is in New York you would want to go for a walk in Times Square and maybe get something to eat?" Ricky asked me

Wait was this a date or just hanging out as friends? 

"And yes it's a date" Shit can he read my mind now? Considering that he didn't say anything after that I'll have to go with no he can't,He just figured that I would think that since it does sound like a date,My smile got bigger as my face began to turn red

I grabbed his hand and he intertwined our fingers together,fitting so perfectly in mine that my heart started to beat so fast 

"I would love to" My voice came out shaking 

"God it's fucking time you guys got together" Ghost said while his eyes where still glued on the laptop screen 

"What do you mean?" I asked him while raising an eyebrow,He looked at us and smirked 

"I mean come on you guys,Everyone besides you guys saw the spark that happened between you both when you first met" Balz said with a voice like it was the most obvious thing ever and we were just to blind to see,But that wasn't the case at all,We both felt something since the beginning

"Well I've always felt something towards Kenna since I've met her,As cliché as this sounds when I saw her I felt like I found exactly what I needed,I wasn't sure if it was that I finally found my soulmate or if I just found a girl best friend but all I knew from the beginning is that I cared about her and wanted to be the person that she could count on" Ricky explained himself,Everyone has our attention now,Chris paused the game and I decided to say what I felt 

"Remember when I came out as Aromantic Asexual?" Everyone nodded 

"Well that's why it took a while,Because me being Aromatic Asexual I never knew what it was like to have a crush on someone,I never had romantic feelings for anyone let alone sexual feelings so at first when I met Ricky the first thing I thought was "I love his smile" and I didn't really think much of it,Just because I'm Aromantic Asexual doesn't mean I can't see when someone is attractive,I just don't feel anything towards him but with Ricky it was different,Through out the whole day when I first met him I caught myself looking at him a lot and blushing when he would look at me and towards the end of the night I kept day dreaming of holding hands with him which was very odd for me because I've never liked doing that,I never liked the idea of being kissed and the idea of having sex with someone so me imagining myself holding hands with Ricky and kissing his cheek confused me"  I took a deep breath and Ricky wrapped his arm around my shoulder and kissed my cheek and I giggled and continued with what I was saying

"But that same day I just accepted the fact that I was falling for Ricky,I still consider myself Aromantic Asexual because before him there wasn't anyone else I felt this way about and I highly doubt that I will about anyone else as corny as that may sound but it's true and I just let it happen,I just let my feelings grow and thought to myself that if it's meant to be it will happen and if not,At least I get to be best friends with him" I said as I began to play with his hands 

"When I first saw you I knew that Ricky was going to fall for you,And then when we finally got you guys to meet I swear to God that I saw hearts and all that shit around them" Chris said with amusement and everyone else burst out laughing while agreeing with him 

"Koi No Yokan,That's what we felt when we first met" I said as brought his hand up to met and kissed it 

"What does that mean?" Vinny was clearly confused on the feeling I just said 

"Koi No Yokan is when you meet someone and you have a feeling that you are going to fall in love with them" "And that's exactly what we felt" Ricky joined in 

"There's so much fucking fluff...I love it!"A screaming ghost announced causing us to laugh 

"Well I'm going to call it night" I kissed Ricky's cheek and went to my bunk and fell asleep 

_I'm in a dark room_

_I look down to see myself exposed and my hands and legs are cuffed,A man with a leather outfit began to make his way to me,Taking long smooth steps towards me causing my heart in my chest to beat fast and I started to shake_

_It was fear_

_The lights turned off and suddenly I screamed as a I was being whipped causing the skin on my back to cut open with bleeding wounds_

_"You better not say a word you whore,or else your lovely Ricky will get what's coming for him" Following those words was a sinister laugh that sent chills down my spine and he grabbed me by my hair and dipped my head down into a bowl of water for a couple of seconds and I was about to past out when he took my head out and took the cuffs off of me_

_I tried fighting back but instead he wrapped his hands around my neck and started to choke me,I started gasping for air as I felt him bruise up my neck_

_"Ricky...."_

_"He's not here baby,No one is coming to save you"_

_McKenna,Baby please wake up_

I felt someone touch me causing me to wake up and I had tears falling down my face and Ricky wrapped his arms around me and started to sway me back and forth

"Shhh it's okay Baby it was just a dream" 

"But it felt so real" my voice cracked as more tears fell,Thinking of it now the dream probably wasn't that bad but the pain I felt wasn't pleasurable as BDSM is,It was torture for something and what hurt the most was that I was crying out for Ricky

He rubbed my back and told me to take a couple of deep breaths,after a couple of minutes I calmed down and he gave me some water and wiped away my tears 

"How did you hear me?" "I came in to grab my laptop and I heard you saying my name,At first I thought something else but then you started to cry and I realized what happened,Do you want to talk about it?" I shook my head 

"No,At least not now" He nodded,I'm pretty sure he understand why I didn't want to talk about it in this moment 

"Do you want me to stay with you?" He asked as I laid back down 

"Please" even though the room is dark I could still see his smile and he climbed into my bunk with me and wrapped his arms around me as I did the same while I put my head on his chest,melting into his body,Man I would love to do this everyday

"Thank you Ricky" I felt him kiss my head and my heart started to beat fast 

"Go to sleep my love" And I closed my eyes and went to sleep to the sound of his heart beat and his arms around me 

I went to sleep content 

 


	4. Chapter 4

First I hear someone lightly snore in my ear and then I feel their arm move around me but then I remembered that Ricky stayed the night with me so I calmed down.I'm facing the wall while he's spooning me and his face is pretty much lost in my hair,I can feel his breath down my neck. 

Grabbing my phone from under my pillow I see that it's 12:15,Normally I would be awake by 10 but hey I'll admit that I had the best sleep in my life,Is it because Ricky was with me? Or maybe it's because I cried so I was just worn out? 

Either way I'm glad that he slept with me,I felt safe and honestly I don't think I will ever be able to sleep alone again,I don't want to sleep if it means that I can't be in his arms as I doze off into the dream world that always finds a way to haunt me,Reminding me of my past in one way or another.Touching my wrists I can feel the deep scars that could have caused me my life,Of course Ricky was the one who found me.

_-Flashback-_

_"I can't do this anymore,I'm not happy anymore,I feel like I'm trapped in my own thoughts.I feel like I'm not good enough,You guys have done so much for me and all I do is mess it up.I can't sleep,Every single night I just lay in my own bed as my thoughts and memories consume me.Food has lost its taste for me.I'm slowly dying due to the fact that I am only 75 pounds right now because I'm never hungry.I love every single one of you,You guys didn't do anything wrong.You all showed me love in your own way.It was all me,It's my own mind that has me fucked up,I want to get help but I'm just afraid that it will make me worse or that I will never get better.I want to get better but how am I supposed to when I have lost hope? I have been depressed since my parents died,People around me has said that it gets easier but they lied.Not only that but I have been sexually harassed by this guy in my school,He somehow found out my sexuality and wanted to 'help me'.He touched me in places that I didn't want to be touched,I tried to scream out for help but no noise would come out so instead I just laid there as my tears fell down my face as one of his hands was in between my legs and the other one was holding me down.When I got home I wanted to tell you guys but you had just released your new album that I didn't want to bring you guys down so instead I just put one a fake smile and tried to get that out of my memory as I got cross faded.The liquor making my throat burn and stomach warm and the weed taking me to another state of mind,Where I can think about all the shit I have been through and I no longer care and I can look happy and say stupid things to seem like I'm okay when deep down inside,I want to die.Please don't forget about me,Just know that this is for the best,With lots of love -McKenna"_

_I reread the letter one last time before sealing it in an envelope and setting down on my desk.One line,two lines,three lines,four,five,six,seven,eight_

_Next arm,One,two,three,My visión is starting to blur but I kept going_

_Four,five,six,seven,eight_

_I gasp in pain as the blood starts to come out from the wounds and I fall onto the ground,This is it,This is what I wanted or so I thought.What have I done? I don't want to die,I messed up._

_"Help" I couldn't yell,The air was leaving my lungs_

_"Help!" I managed to 'yell' but I was slowly drifting away_

_"I'm sorry" is the last thing I say before my eyes get heavy and they close on me,The last thing I hear before blacking out is the sound of my door opening and feeling someone take me into their arms_

_I inhale their smell,The smell of cigarettes and cologne hits my nose and then there was darkness._

_-End of Flashback-_

Blinking my tears away,I turned to face Ricky and held him close to me

Even though he stopped smoking last year his clothes still smells like cigarettes and cologne due to the fact that he smoke for 10 years but it was the smell that I have grown to love.After that day I realized that didn't want to die,I just wanted to be saved from myself.I wanted to be heard and be told what I needed to hear.

After that day I started to speak up about what was haunting me and what I was feeling,After that day I began to appreciate everyone and everything about me,That was the one that was chosen to be born into this world.After that day I still wanted to hurt myself if something went wrong but instead I would run to Ricky and pour my feelings out to him.After that day,Ricky became my best friend.

_My Hero_

Looking up at him I see him looking at me 

"Hey Kenna,How'd you sleep?" He gave me a sleepy smile 

"Hey Ricky,I slept great actually" He chuckled and squeezed me hard before letting me go and getting out of my bunk

"I'm going to make some coffee,Do you want some?" I nodded and he smiled at me before leaving the room 

I decided to take this opportunity to go to the bathroom to use it and to brush my teeth and wash my face not before I hit my head again the bed above me 

"Ouch,Fuck why does this always happen?" Then someone chuckled 

"Shut the fuck up Ryan" amusement wrapped around my voice,I was trying so hard not to laugh because even though it hurt I will admit that it was funny because I always do this 

"Oh come on lil sis,You should be used to this by now" I rolled my eyes with a smile on my face and climbed out my bed to kiss his cheek and tell everyone "Good morning" and made my way to the bathroom and used the toilet.After I was done I stood in front of the mirror and looked at myself.I'm no longer the very tried looking girl I used to be.The dark circles are gone from my Hazel gray eyes.My long black hair that was once very dry and brittle is now healthy and shiny.I went from 75 pounds to 95 pounds,Which is still very skinny but that's just how my body is,Even before I was depressed I've always been small.Which has its pros and cons,The biggest con is that I often get mistaken as a young girl because of it.I look away from the mirror and began to brush my teeth and wash my face.

Making my way to the living area I see Ricky reading a book while drinking from his coffee mug,The sun was hitting his face so perfectly that it made me look  angelic that me being me I decided to capture this moment and took a picture of him like that.I always take pictures of my loved ones when they least expect it and capture the moment so one day I can look back at them and remember the day that picture happened.Maybe I should post it on my Instagram? Nah it's too soon for that 

I sighed as I put my phone down and grabbed the coffee mug that he has prepared for me and took a sip,Man I have always loved the way he makes the coffee,Or maybe it's just my mind making me think that since I have feelings for him and feelings can make you think everything they do is great or so I've heard but I believe it because I always experience it with him.Everything his does is great in my eyes.

Jesus Christ This sounds like a straight up romantic comedy movie

"What so funny?" Ricky's voice broke me out of my thoughts,I guess I laughed out loud 

"Oh nothing I just remembered what happened after you left" He raised his eyebrow but then he started to laugh,I'm pretty sure he remembers now"You hit your head didn't you?" Yup he remembered  
I laughed as I nodded  
"You have always been a clumsy person,I'm surprised you haven't broken a bone"   
"I'm just as surprised as you are Ricky,But hey I still have time" I said sarcastically as I sat down next to him while looking at my phone,Then I felt something burn my left thigh

"Oh shit,I burned myself" I quickly took off my sweats because I don't want them to stick on my skin and ran to the shower hearing someone behind

"I'm going to get the first aid kit!" Ricky yelled as he went to go look for it and I turned on the shower and ran cold water on my burn,The water stung it causing me to yelp in pain 

Eventually the pain went away,turning off the shower I grabbed my towel and lightly padded down my thigh to dry it 

The skin is very red and it's starting blister,Well at least I didn't break a bone 

"At least you didn't break a bone" a voice behind me said,Looking back I see Ricky standing there with the first aid kit in his hands

"I was just thinking that" I chuckled but quickly silenced when I realized that he wasn't going to laugh.Great now I feel stupid for laughing but I tend to do that,I just laugh at myself when I get hurt. 

"Here let me help you" He got down on his knees and started to apply ointment on the burn and then he wrapped it,After wrapping it he kissed it.

"So it can feel better" He whispered against my thigh causing me to shiver,and he started to kiss my other thigh.What he is doing right now is making me want to commit so many sins right now.I bit my lip once I was about to moan out but it slipped out. 

"Oh you're sensitive aren't you?" His voice coming out seductively as he brought his hands on them and started to run them up and down my thighs,This guy is going to be the death of me. 

"Rick-" Someone started to bang on the door causing us to jump.Moment ruined

"Come on you guys! I have to take a shit!" Chris screamed from the other side of the door,Of course it had to be him

Ricky stood up and reached out to me,taking his hands he helped me up from the toilet and lead me to the bathroom door and opened it.

"Look if you guys wanted to fuck,You could have gone to the back room" Chris said with annoyance in his voice 

"We weren't fucking Chris,Kenna burned her leg" Ricky answered 

Chris took a look at my leg and brought his hand to his mouth once he started to snicker like a 5 year old,I just rolled my eyes and punched his arm and he just lost control once I did that

"Damn Kenna first dropping things,Then tripping,Then hitting your head on the bunk and now this?" His laughter was coming from his gut,You can tell because he was starting to cry from it. I couldn't help but laugh as well which caused a very confused Ricky but he smiled and led me out the bathroom and Chris went into the bathroom 

"Oh by the way" Chris started causing us to look back at him 

"I heard the moaning Kenna did,you guys aren't slick" He winked at us causing me to blush,He chuckled and closed the door behind him.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

The rest of the day was a blur

We did anything we could to make time go by faster than it was actually going.Today the concert that they are playing for is a small club show so it's going to start and end earlier than the other shows do.Which can have its pros and cons.

"Yo Sis are you almost ready? They need you at the merch table" Ryan's voice came through the other side of the door 

"Yeah I'm coming!" Taking one last look in the mirror to see what I'm wearing for tonight. I'm just wearing a Black long sleeve shirt with their denim vest that says "MIW" very big on the back,With black skinny jeans and vans. Considering that I'm going to be very busy and running around during the whole thing,I have to be comfortable.I dig the outfit though and I just open the door and make my way over to the merch table. 

Three hours later,237 sold shirts later we are packing up the merch when suddenly I feel a pair of arms wrap about me

At first I tense up but then I relaxed under the touch when I smelled the familiar smell of Cigarettes and cologne.Looking up I see it's Ricky smiling down at me and I smiled back at him 

"How did we do?" He broke the silence but was still holding me 

"You guys sounded great" He frowned,I'm guessing he wanted to know how the show looked and what not 

"You didn't get to see us?" I shook my head 

"You know that I rarely get to see you guys play,As much as I would love to,I can't" I went back to writing down the boxes we had left and then I closed the notebook.I was about to walk forward when I suddenly got pulled back,I forgot for a second that Ricky still had his arms around me.

"Are we still going out tonight?" When I asked him he had a worry look on his face

"Yes,Unless you don't want to" I could hear the sadness in his voice 

"No I want to! I just wanted to make sure" He sighed in relief and started laugh 

"Oh thank God,I thought you were backing out" I shook my head while laughing 

"I would never do that,I love being with you" He smiled at me and I smiled back 

I turned around in his arms and wrapped my arms around his neck and he pulled me closer to him and planted a kiss on my forehead. And then there was a flash.We turn to see Ghost and Balz laughing with a camera,I swear they remind me of middle schoolers sometimes. 

"Are you guys going to keep doing that?" I asked with my voice coming out harsher than I meant to. 

"Shit,I'm sorry I didn't mean to sound upset" I hid my face in the crook of Ricky's neck and he just chuckled while rubbing my back 

"It's okay,I know you didn't mean it that way" Ricky assured me and I just relaxed under his touch 

"We just want to capture moments Kenna,It still amazes us that you guys are a thing now" Ghost explained as I smiled against Ricky's neck and inhaling his scent. Man he smells so good

"Anyways,Do you want to change before we leave or are you comfortable enough? " Ricky asked me while swaying me side to side 

"I'm good,How about you?" I asked him 

He nodded and let go of me 

I internally whined at the loss of his arms around me,Wait what? Did I seriously just do that? I mentally rolled my eyes and we began to walk to a nearby restaurant,Luckily we are close to Times Square and a lot of restaurants so we won't get lost or walk too much 

"I was thinking of getting Olive Garden" When he said that my eyes lit up,I love Olive Garden and he started to chuckle 

"I know you love it,Which is why I decided to eat there" He winked at me and held my hand as he led the way 

The sun was already set and the clear navy blue sky above us was telling me that the day is about to begin with Ricky 

The closer we got to the city,The louder the cars,music and the voices of the people became more distinct,And my heart started to beat harder and faster 

Ricky must have noticed because in that moment he squeezed my hand,Tonight is going to be amazing

 

 

 

 

"So how did you like the date?" Ghost asked me while smirking at me,I couldn't help but turn red once he asked "I didn't want it to end" I replied honestly,Once we had to go back to the bus I got upset because I just wanted it to be me and me for one more hour but we have to go back to reality,The reality that is making us wait on being together. I know that I have to wait for a bit before we can be together because we don't want people to think that Ricky cheated on Jamie with me and that I was a home wrecker when that's not even the case. 

I know that Jaime is already with someone and posting stuff but that's her problem and I know that no matter what Ricky will still care for her because that's just who he is as a person. I forgot that I was talking with Ghost and the only reason why I remembered was because he cleared his throat. "Oh gosh,I'm sorry Ghost" "I see that little Kenna is still a big thinker" he chuckles and I just smile "I can't help it" "I understand,So did you guys kiss at least?" My smile fell 

"Sadly no but hopefully soon" 

"If he doesn't kiss you soon,i will" He winked at me as I laughed and he left the bunk

As I began to doze off in my bunk I heard the door open and close and I open my eyes to see Ricky looking at me "Hey" I smile and he smiles back "Hey Kenna" "Is there something you need?" "Well- I was wondering if maybe we could- well if I could,I mean" I got an idea of what he was asking for so I made room for him to lay down with me,I've never seen him move as fast as he did and he wrapped his arms around me as I put my head on his chest 

"Thank you for a wonderful date Ricky" He squeezed me "You're welcome Baby girl" He gently kissed my forehead as I screamed on the inside with excitement 

 


	6. Chapter 6

It's been a couple of weeks. A couple of weeks of us going out on dates. A couple of weeks of us being affectionate towards eachother yet it feels like it's been years. Years of us wanting to be official yet we still feel like we can't...like we shouldn't. I'm happy that it's out there that we like eachother but it also saddens me that we can't act upon it. Sometimes I feel like I'm wasting my time but then I look at Ricky and those feelings go away. It's hard but I know I can do,it's hard but I got this. 

I sighed and continued folding the shirts for the show today when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around to see Vinny looking at me

"Hey dude" I smiled

 "We need to talk" I got worried.

"Uhh okay" and he led me back to the bus. I'll be lying if I said that I didn't have a bad feeling about what he's going to tell me.

"So what's up?" I raised an eyebrow once I heard him take a deep breath

"You have to kiss Ricky like right now" Where is this coming from? 

"Why do you say that?" 

"I heard him on the phone earlier,I think it was with Angelo but he was telling him that he wants to take that first step but something is holding him back and we all know what it is" 

"His last relationship" I looked down to my feet and couldn't help but to feel like I'm not good enough,tears started to fall down my face. 

"Wait are you crying?" Vinny asked,He was confused and I don't blame him.

"Yeah,I'm sorry" I started to sniffle while I wiped my tears away 

"What's wrong Kenna?" He sat down next to me 

"Sometimes I feel like I'm not good enough for him. Don't get me wrong he does a great job in making me feel loved and what not but sometimes I feel like I'm not enough for him to be able to fully move on from Jaime." 

"Aww shit Kenna,You have to remember that he was hurt. He's obviously going to be scared. Not only that but Jaime took his dog away from him as well."

I was speechless,She took Fester away. Everyone knows that he's a cat person but he really loved Fester so for her to take that away from him must have hurt a lot.

"But that's why you should be the one to pull the first move" Vinny continued "that will show him that you're all about him,ya get me?" I nodded and wiped away more tears 

"I'm so shy but I think I can do it" I already started thinking of when and how to do it but I feel like I should just do it when it feels right,to not plan it out and that's exactly what I'm going to do. 

"Well I'm going to start getting ready for tonight's show,Thanks for telling me Vinny" I smiled at him and he smiled back 

"No problem little Kenna" He gave me a side hug and walked out the bus. I looked out the window to see Ricky talking to Ryan. You could tell that they were cracking jokes or telling a funny story because he kept laughing and smiling and I couldn't help but to smile and me smiling caused more tears to fall down. He's just so beautiful to me that I just can't help it. I've known him for so many years yet there's times where him being alive and in my life feels so unreal. I've never felt this and sometimes it can feel so frustrating,stupid I know but that's how I feel. Getting on my phone I got on Instagram and posted the picture of Ricky that I took on the second day of tour and I put "You are my Sunshine" I know that's so sappy and lame but oh well.

I get up from the couch and walk over to the closet and get some clothes and go to the bathroom to take a shower. Once I was ready I went to the back of the bus because we have a mirror hanging on the door and I saw myself wearing a black bodycon dress with thigh high black boots and my hair was in loose curls and I had done my usual smoky eye that I always do for concerts. I like how I look but I can't help but to feel a little insecure because I normally never dress like this but I decided to get out of my comfort zone for once and I know myself enough to know that I'm going to get cold so I put on my denim jacket and I made my way out the bus. Making my way to the merch table I heard a whistle behind me and I turn around to see Ricky looked at me.

"Wow you look amazing." When he said that this voice came into my head that said "Now or Never" I stood on my tippy toes and kissed his lips. He right away kiss me back and pulled me closer to her and placed his hands on my waist and I placed my hands on his face deepening the kiss. It honestly felt like we were the only people on earth,nothing else mattered. After a while we puller away from the kiss and looked into eachother's eyes. 

"I think it's time" The way he said those words made him sound confident. 

"For?" 

"To make you mine" He smirked 

"What?" It's happening 

"McKenna,My beautiful little Kenna. Will you be my girlfriend?" It's safe to say that me kissing him again was enough for him to know that I just said Yes to him.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed it and let me know what you guys thought about it,Ideas are welcomed and thank you for giving this story a chance<3


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